Thirty Methods of Influence
Stephen Covey/ Principle Centered Leadership

1. Refrain from saying the unkind word or negative thing.
Hold your tongue when provoked or fatigued.

2. Exercise patience with others.
Patience is, in many ways, the most difficult virtue to master.

3. Distinguish between the person and the behavior.
Deeds don’t always reflect our intrinsic worth.

4. Perform anonymous service.
Random acts of kindness create more kindness.

5. Choose a proactive response.
Our ultimate power is to choose how anybody or anything affects us.

6. Keep promises.
Our ability to keep promises is a measure of faith.

7. Focus on your circle of influence.
Focus on doing something positive about the things we can control.

8. Live the law of love.
Unconditional love creates greater influence.

9. Assume the best of others.
People tend to respond to how they’re treated.

10. Seek first to understand.
Until people feel that you understand them, they won’t be open to your influence.

11. Reward open, honest expressions or questions.
The greatest barrier to good communication is the tendency to criticize & judge.

12. Give an understanding response.
Reflect back the other person’s feelings before you respond.

13. If offended, take the initiative.
Describe your feelings without vindication or anger.

14. Admit your mistakes.
Apologize & ask for forgiveness.

15. Let arguments fly out open windows.
Don’t be drawn into a poisonous orbit of hateful disagreement.

16. Go one on one.
Set aside time to meet individually with staff members.

17. Renew your commitment to things you have in common.
The issue or one’s point is never as important as the relationship.

18. Be influenced by them first.
When another feels you care and understand he also feels he’s influenced you.

19. Accept the person and the situation.
Affirm the other person by acknowledging his thoughts and feelings on a topic.

20. Prepare your mind and heart before you prepare your speech.
What you say may be less important than how you say it.

21. Avoid fight or flight—talk through differences.
Fight or flight is a basic emotional reaction. Don’t allow it to control you.

22. Recognize and take time to teach.
But, don’t try to teach when you’re angry or frustrated.

23. Agree on limits, rules, expectations and consequences.
These must be clearly established, agreed upon, understood, and enforced.

24. Don’t give up, and don’t give in.
It is unkind to shield people from the consequences of their own behavior.

25. Be there at the crossroads.
Motivation is more a function of the heart than the head.

26. Speak the languages of logic and emotion.
Express your feelings along with the reasons behind your actions.

27. Delegate effectively.
Be a source of help, the advocate not the adversary. Build people up.

28. Involve people in meaningful projects.
Projects take on meaning when people are involved in the planning & thinking process.

29. Train them in the law of the harvest.
Think in terms of seeding, cultivating, watering, weeding, and harvest.

30. Let natural consequences teach responsible behavior.
Don’t over-manage. Allow for personal responsibility.